0.5 Seconds

When you have an eating disorder, you can have some pretty bad days even when you try your hardest to be positive (thanks captain obvious). And then there are times when you are having a fantastic day and then one tiny, little, eensy, teensy, micro thing happens and it seems like the whole day has been ruined. But, this happens to everyone, really. This happened to me today…

I was having an awesome day.

I am a total nerd and I love poetry! There are times when I am reading a line or stanza and I start crying, I get goose bumps, I write the line on 1000 post- it notes, I color code the different meanings and I often perform dramatic recitations. I. Am. A. Nerd. My favorite poet is Maya Angelou (like I want a tattoo of her on my forehead). Today in my English class we started a poetry unit and our first task is to read the Maya Angelou poem Phenomenal Woman and then to write a poem in response to it. And then we are to read the poem that we wrote aloud to the class in a dramatic fashion. Well ladies and gentlemen of the blogosphere, I about passed out, I was so excited. Safe to say that it was a great start to the day. Then I went on to ace my psychology test, then to have a great lunch with friends where I focused on the hilarious conversation and not the food. I was in an absolutely fantastic mood.

Then at the end of the day, I was walking through the main hall of my school, about ready to leave for the day, when I heard some girls, that I didn’t even know, whisper my name and start laughing. I went form skipping down the hall and seeing rainbows and unicorns to crawling on the ground and being caught in a rainstorm without a freaking umbrella in about 0.5 seconds.

There we numerous things that happened during the day that made it positive and amazing, and then there was one small thing that seemed to take that all away. I don’t think that this is at all fair. But, sometimes (or all the time) that is just how our brains work.

When it comes to recovery (or just living happily), you have to go against this and choose to be grateful for everything that is amazing. Make a color coded list of these amazing things, draw a picture, write a song, repeat them 10 trillion times in your head, do whatever you need to to. Just do it, OK! (I’m not kidding. I will need a written report).



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2 thoughts on “0.5 Seconds

  1. It is so easy to get thrown off course by just one thing. I love how you aren’t shooting that double arrow and shaming yourself for it, though. It’s completely part of the process and it is how our brains work. I love how positive you are! Stay strong!

    Liked by 1 person

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