I have not done any form of purging for exactly a week now. I have gone weeks without purging before, but, for some reason, this week feels more significant to me. There is a bit more stability within.
When I hear people talk about their journeys with eating disorders, one phrase that is repeated in almost every story is “then it spiraled out of control.” I would say that the past year of my life has been me, slowly spiraling out of control. And that came to an end last week. This does not negate the fact that I am still struggling, because I most definitely am. Promising others, and myself that I will not purge causes A LOT of anxiety and it is hard not to compensate for that in food restrictions. But, one step at a time I guess… and I made the giant step of admitting that any form of purging (especially the one that I use) is extremely dangerous and I have a problem.
I have made it to one week fairly easily. I think I’ll make it to two weeks and even to three, but after the one month mark I am afraid I’ll forget about my promises and I forget about all of the consequences. The struggle gets a lot harder. That is the pattern that ED usually follows and it aides the spiraling and even the unpredictability. I do not want to spiral anymore.
But it has been one week. One week Exactly. Today marks a week. This exact moment marks one week and six hours. You are not going to purge right now. Only focus on that because it is a victory.