A lot of us personify ED to some extent. And we might try to think that (he) is this ugly, evil being, maybe with horns, a pitch fork and a nasty grin. But, ED is smarter than to appear in such a manner. The ED that I see is a well dressed, clean cut person who looks at you with kind eyes. (He) is someone who would have diplomas, certificates, and awards hanging on the walls of (his) office so that (he) appears to know exactly what (he) is talking about. ED is someone who asks you if you would like a warm cup of tea every time you enter (his) home. If ED appeared to be this horrible and disgusting villain, then I would be more willing to get rid of (him). This is the tricky part of recovery, and the part that I feel most people don’t understand. I am trying to get rid of something that my brain thinks is wonderful.
I am all about trust right now. If I don’t trust the people who are trying to help me, or if I don’t trust in the process, then I am going to hold on to ED forever. I also have to understand that right now, I can’t trust my perspective of the situation and it is even possible that when it comes to this, I might always have to ignore my instinct.