Today marks 2 months sense my major ED relapse. These past 2 months have been EXHAUSTING. I’ve made progress, I’ve fumbled, I’ve experience a lot of anxiety and depression from the major life change of not purging, and I have begun seeing the beauty of a life that I am in control of, not ED. I have started seeing the beauty in a lot of things actually. I see how beautiful it is to be apart of this world and to have been granted a life. I see how beautiful my pain is, even the pain that came from my childhood abuse.
It is impossible to bet the person that I am truly meant to be while still purging and restricting. That does not mean that stopping these behaviors automatically “sets me free”, it just opens the window of opportunity.
The direction that I am going is one that involves a lot of work, perseverance and a long journey inward, and to be honest, a lot of therapy to help me heal from an out of control childhood. But this direction is one that will give me the life that i have always dreamed of. it will give me the life that ED always promised me but would never actually give me. It’s definitely a journey, but one that I would love to take with you.