GS the OG

I can’t really say my childhood was all that  normal. I mean I still played with stuffed animals and play dough but I always thought that I was fat. Even as far back as I can remember in dance class I would stare at my “fat” thighs or my pudgy stomach. When I was little I wouldn’t let myself go to the beach in a bathing suit because even though I was around 5 years old I already knew what fat was an a was watching my weight and what I ate. Nothing really went that far to where anyone would say I had an eating disorder but that all changed when I was 12. When I was 12 just a couple days after my birthday I went over to my friends house and she had two of her cousins there. They were both 16 and we were all hanging out in my friends room. To be honest I can’t really remember where my friend went but she left and I was left with her older cousins. They both kinda looked at each other and whispered some things and before I knew what was going on I was forced into a closet and was sexually assaulted. I never really told anybody for a really long time, and let me just tell you that silence is the key to a mental death. After that night I absolutely hated my body more than anything. I started trying to work out more and eat healthier to try and change the way I thought about my body. Working out turned into an addiction and I was working out around 7 to 10 hours a day. Sometimes I would eat nothing but a couple pieces of celery at school then come home to work out until I physically couldn’t any more. Not shockingly I went into a deep depression and I wouldn’t talk to anyone. My weight had dropped so dangerously low that I was told my heart could give out at any moment. I remember one of the doctors whispering to my mom that she would be surprised if my heart would last another 2 weeks. A couple days after that I went into a treatment center for my eating disorder and God I’m so glad that I did. While my ED was being slowly helped I got into a lot of bad things like smoking, drinking, and cutting. This all lead to me being suicidal and eventually I was admitted into a mental hospital. That all happened about 2 years ago and today I sit here writing this happily, eating Girl Scout cookies, listening to Kanye West. To be honest I never thought I would get to the place I am today. But here I am, and it’s the best feeling in the world.

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