Facebook is filled with links to articles that talk about love and relationships. Oftentimes, these articles are in the form of checklists. “If it’s real love then your relationship has these 10 things”. “If he really loves you then he will do these 15 things”. “Your relationship will fail if you say these 9 things”. Continue reading “My Message of Love”
I have this really strong urge to go somewhere secluded. In the mountains, maybe. Where the tree canopies and the sunsets make my shallow, habitual need for constant entertainment obsolete. I would live in a shack where the natural cross breeze would act as my air conditioning and the rays of the sun would act as my heat. If I was bored I would visit my bookshelf, full of american classics and poetry, and choose something to read for the day. Or, I would grab my camera and go for a hike. I want to be able to put my phone down and listen to whatever thoughts I’m trying to ignore every time I scroll through a news feed, or hit the play button on Netflix.
There are plenty of people who don’t quite understand this, or they see me as depressed.”Make sure you’re not isolating.” they say. “What are you trying to run away from?” they ask. Each answer is simple. Realizing that this is something that I desire is invigorating and broadens the gap between me and any depression. I am not trying to hide. I am not moving geographically in the hopes that I will be able to escape my problems. For in the silence I wish to surround myself with, I welcome all of my thoughts and worries. I’ll even save them a seat in the car or the bus that I ride in, buckle them in, make sure they’re comfortable. I might even let them choose a song or two on the radio. In the mountains I would have room for all I’m supposed to be, including any and all baggage that I carry.
I wish to go somewhere remote because, sometimes, in this world, I feel as though I am being screamed at. I am constantly trying to listen to others, trying not to offend others, and caring way to much about what others think. It seems as though I am ignoring myself. Everything is just to loud sometimes.
So maybe I am trying to run away, but it is from the things not allowing me to listen. Listen. Listening, understanding,comprehending and honoring…Honoring. But, finally, of the self and not of others. In the company of the trees and the magic dust from the moon that fills the air every night. In the company of the natural rhythm of the seasons. High on a mountain closer to heaven, the sky and of all its energy. There I wish to listen. There I wish to confront what I, and most of us, hide from on a daily basis.
One day, I promise, I will do this. And imagine the amazing blog posts that will come of it!
A lot of us personify ED to some extent. And we might try to think that (he) is this ugly, evil being, maybe with horns, a pitch fork and a nasty grin. But, ED is smarter than to appear in such a manner. The ED that I see is a well dressed, clean cut person who looks at you with kind eyes. (He) is someone who would have diplomas, certificates, and awards hanging on the walls of (his) office so that (he) appears to know exactly what (he) is talking about. ED is someone who asks you if you would like a warm cup of tea every time you enter (his) home. If ED appeared to be this horrible and disgusting villain, then I would be more willing to get rid of (him). This is the tricky part of recovery, and the part that I feel most people don’t understand. I am trying to get rid of something that my brain thinks is wonderful.
I am all about trust right now. If I don’t trust the people who are trying to help me, or if I don’t trust in the process, then I am going to hold on to ED forever. I also have to understand that right now, I can’t trust my perspective of the situation and it is even possible that when it comes to this, I might always have to ignore my instinct.